Maintaining a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex-partner can be challenging but it is crucial for the wellbeing of you and your children. The most important thing to keep in mind is that your children’s needs and best interests should always come above yours.
By putting aside your own negative emotions and prioritising your children, you can build a respectful and supportive co-parenting relationship with your former partner if you both want to.
In this article, our family partner Claire O’Flinn provides some tips on how to establish and maintain a successful co-parenting relationship and outlines what steps you can take if you face a dispute.
Effective communication is the key to successful co-parenting even if the relationship between you and your ex is tense. Respectful and courteous communication minimises misunderstandings, reduces arguments and helps both parents to work together to raise their children. Consistent communication is essential, and it could be through phone calls, email or texting depending on what works best for you. All discussions related to your children, from school events to health appointments, should be handled directly between you to avoid any misunderstandings. Remember, you may no longer be in an adult relationship, but you remain in a parental relationship.
It is also crucial to keep your children’s routines and schedules consistent even when your own life feels shaky. Children thrive on routines and so try to maintain as much as possible, including drop-off and pick-up times, football training, ballet lessons and those endless parties/playdates. Respect each other’s parenting styles and perhaps think about compromising on rules or discipline. It might take some time to reach a compromise that works for both of you but it’s essential to do so for the wellbeing of all.
Managing your own emotions is key when it comes to co-parenting. Divorce or separation can bring up a range of emotions including anger, sadness and guilt. While it is normal to feel these emotions, it is essential to manage them appropriately when co-parenting. Try to avoid discussing sensitive topics when you’re feeling emotional, take time out when the conversation gets raw and remember that you need to be in a good space to reach lasting agreements.
You might also want to create a parenting plan; this outlines key aspects of co-parenting, such as children’s schedules, school holidays, family holidays, daily living arrangements and education. This will help to ensures that co-parenting is successful and helps to avoid any mix-ups.
Co-parenting requires patience whether you are in a committed relationship or separated. But by following these tips, you can work together to create a more supportive and nurturing environment for your children than you think at first is possible. Healthy communication, flexibility and mutual respect must be at the core for your success.
What to do if you have a co-parenting dispute?
There are routes available to you for when you find bumps in the road; mediation can help you reach agreements in a structured and neutral environment and if that doesn’t work or you feel is not appropriate, then legal advice should be your next thought. A solicitor can not only explain your options to you but can help with negotiations and put proposals forward on your behalf. This is particularly important if there are concerns about a child’s emotional or physical safety.
If your co-parenting dispute involves controlling behaviour, intimidation or abuse, you need to remember that the safety of you and your children comes first. If you have concerns, please contact Claire O’Flinn.