"By all means disagree but there is no excuse for not understanding"
Differences of opinion are unavoidable and the discussion that surrounds them is the lifeblood of any healthy family dynamic, according to Matthew Fleming, Stonehage Fleming’s Head of Family Governance and Succession. “By all means disagree but there is no excuse for not understanding”, he told guests at the New York-based Institute for Family Governance’s webinar, last week, as part of their IFG Leadership and Values Series.
“Disagreements are inevitable but don’t come to them at the expense of family values”, he warned, citing the importance of leadership in each of the four pillars of capital – cultural, financial, social and intellectual. “With the right leaders in each pillar of capital, there is no excuse for not understanding”.
Consensus, said Mathew, should not be the be all and end all. “Communication is one thing – please keep talking – but you may not get agreement, ultimately”. And that, he said, “is okay”.
But ‘okay’ sometimes means being tough, explained Matthew. If, for instance, there is a family member who cannot sign up to a collective purpose or the agreed family values for whatever reason, you may have to be ruthless. “You might even have to make a painful decision and cut them loose,” he said.
Matthew told guests how his own experiences are at the core of how he supports client families in his role as adviser. “My own lived experience clearly influences how I deal with other families”, he said. “Being embedded in a multi-generational family that has done a lot of things right and a few things wrong forms my own ‘intellectual capital’. And compromise,” he resolved, “is more important than consensus.”